this is kinda idk i dont think i like it anymore but this is a pretty important plot point so it can stay

My hands tremble as squeeze my nails into my palms. The pain and the stink of the horse stable keeps my exhaustion at bay. My head is buzzing from the lack of sleep and food, but I force myself to push through it. I need to keep Jori safe; theyre all I have left. It’s dark, but I can see them huddled up in a cocoon of blankets across from me. I envy them at times. I wish someone would take care of me like I take care of them. I miss the feeling of being held at night and getting soon sleep. I miss being full and not having to put every ounce of energy into keeping the two of us safe. My wants and needs aren’t important right now, though, I need to stay awake. About a year ago, some thug attacked us in our sleep and robbed us of half our belongings. Ever since, I’ve been staying awake while Jori sleeps to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I’ve had some uncomfortably close brushes with fatality, but I tell myself it’s all worth it if it means my little sibling is healthy and safe.

The wooden slats behind my back creak every time I move. It’s clear nobody’s been in here in a long time, yet somehow it still reeks of horse poop. The smell is starting to give me a headache, but at least that’s one more thing to keep me awake. Coarse dirt crumbles underneath my stained, beat-up converse that I’ve had since before all this chaos. My clothes are pretty much the only belongings I still have from my previous life. My favorite pair of pants have become torn and faded. I had to patch them up several times because I kept scraping my knees. My shirt was stolen from some random we ran into early on. My jacket, however, is my most precious possession. It was my dad’s old biking jacket. I’m surprised it even fits me, though it makes sense; I’m not exactly at a healthy weight. The scratched up black leather and the decades-old patches are the only thing that bring me comfort anymore. There are patches of white tear near the shoulders from all the times I’ve tried scratching at myself. It’s simultaneously disappointing and relieving to feel the leather instead of skin under my nails.

I practically jump out of my skin when I hear the distant sound of hooves clopping. I instinctively grab at the sweaty handle of my bat and ready myself to jump out at whoever might be out there. Who would even be out here at this hour? Especially on a horse? Though, horse, stable… that part makes sense. However, my questions don’t stop me from tensing my muscles and straining to listen for any signs of danger. I pray that they’ll pass on by, but my hopes are swiftly crushed as I hear the horse come to a halt. The loud thump of the intruder dismounting their horse resounds through the empty barn. My heart starts racing. The rider mumbles something to their horse. I desperately want them to leave. They start walking into the barn. I don’t have the strength to fight now. But the thumping of heavy boots is growing ever closer. I let adrenaline take over my higher brain functions. A tall figure appears over the stall door. I grip the bat so hard my knuckles turn white. I feel like I’m gonna be sick. That doesn’t matter now. But I feel like I’m frozen in place and—

No, no, no! You stay there, girl, I’ll be right back!

—that voice. I know that voice. That country twang. It sounds so familiar. Why does it sound so familiar? I can't possibly know it. Everyone I know is gone. I think. No, I can't think right now. I have to protect Jori at all costs. I have to—

THUD!

—I lurch and gasp as all the air is forced out of my lungs. My panicked attempt at lunging at the intruder landed me on my back after being kicked down. They keep a grimy boot pressed to my chest with just enough weight to keep me down. Even so, I pathetically try to push it off, to no avail. I try to see their face but its dark and their features are obscured by a bandana and a cowboy hat.

The reality of the situation sets in once I feel something poking at my neck. The tip of a shotgun. My throat tightens. My mind is foggy with panic and fear. Even when the intruder looks away to grab something, giving me the perfect opportunity to get away, I stay frozen in place. What gets me moving again is the blindingly bright light flashed in my eyes. I quickly throw my hands in front of my face to stop my retinas from burning. The boot pushes harder into my ribs, causing me to give a pained groan.

Naw, show me your face, the intruder’s voice is firm and rumbly.

I immediately oblige and move my hands in fear of having my head basted off. All I can see is red as I keep my eyes squeezed shut. There’s an uncomfortably long pause, which my mind fills with thoughts of what could possibly happen to Jori. I pray that if I die, they at least show mercy to my baby sibling. Whatever that could be. My head races with unwanted images of my blood splattered across the nasty dirt ground. Thoughts of Jori waking up to see a stranger standing over their brother’s corpse. It makes me feel nauseous. I’m so suffocated by these thoughts that I hardly hear the intruder speak up again.

It can’t be…

Confused, I squint my eyes open to look at them. Their bandana has been pulled down around their neck and I can make out the blurry image of their face. It’s hard to make out, but undeniably familiar. Now I know why I knew his voice.

Moxie? Is that really you? his voice is softer than it was a minute ago. I swallow hard and nod weakly. A wave of relief washes over me as the boot is lifted from my chest and the shotgun is pulled away from my neck.

Cool air rushes into my lungs and the disgusting thoughts in my mind are stamped out like fire. I’m easily pulled up and brought into a big bear hug. I groan again at how painful it is, but I accept it anyway. If not for the pain, I would think I was dreaming.

Jeremiah, I—I, a voice crack cuts me off. You would think after four years they would go away, but that’s what only speaking for survival for a year straight gets you. Jeremiah must’ve heard the sob threatening to come flooding out, because he gently pats my back. Neither of us speak for awhile. I completely forget about the gun and the panic and the barn and even Jori. I’m just so overwhelmed with relief from seeing a familiar face for the first time in years.

How have you been? Jeremiah mumbles. I squeeze the fabric of his coat in a fist so tightly that my hands start to shake. He breaks the hug and holds me by my shoulders at arms-length. That bad, huh…?

Yeah… I manage to find my voice. It’s raspy and broken, but it feels good to talk again. I look over Jeremiah’s face again, now that my eyes are adjusted to the dark. He looks way different than I remember. For one, he looks older (what is he, 20 now?). He shed his baby fat for a sharp jawline with a scruffy stubble, and his natural hair pokes out from under the cowboy hat. I can tell even under his thick coat that he’s gotten bigger. It’s a big change, yet his eyes ares still the same, if not a little tired. He looks good.

Wow…… you look like shit, he breaks the silence. I guess the same can’t be said for me. I roll my eyes and smack his arm, breathing out a laugh. It feels good to laugh, too, even if it’s a little shaky.

Yeah, I know…

He smiles at me, but there’s more to it. The way his eyebrows crease and twitch tell me he’s worried. It makes me nervous for whatever reason. It feels weird to think that someone is actually worried about me.

That Jori? he points at the lump of blanket with a puff of hair and a little nose poking out.

Yup. I’ve been doing everything i can to keep us safe… We’ve had to move around a lot just to find food and water, so… it's been rough, I mumble.

I can imagine, Jeremiah crosses his arms and pouts. There’s another silence. It’s awkward. I’m not used to having to keep a conversation with someone other than Jori.

So um, what a have you been up to? You look… decent… I spit out, desperate to squash the awkwardness. Jeremiah rubs the back of his neck and fumbles with his sleeve before he replies.

Me 'n' the family set up camp at the farm. We’ve been taking people in too... he pauses, You two could come back with me, if ya want…

I freeze. This is my chance to give Jori a better life. To give myself a better life. Even though the gnawing paranoia in my mind is telling me to stay away, I know better than to think Jeremiah would even let us stay out here.

Um, yeah, if it’s not too much trouble…

'Course not! I’m just happy to see you’re alive, he flashes me smile. I’ve missed that smile.

We split up, Jeremiah going to the back of the barn while I open the gate to the stable. I sling our heavy bag over my shoulder and painstakingly carry it to the wagon outside the barn. The dirt and gravel crunch underneath my feet. The barn no longer feels hostile and the dark, starlit sky feels a little less oppressing. Jeremiah’s horse, Roe, neighs when she sees me. I’m not sure if she recognizes me, but at least she isn’t scared of me. She’s also gotten big, very big. I’m careful not to get too close behind her as I carefully set the bag into the wagon. I unbuckle the sleeping bag and unroll it inside for Jori to sleep in. I jog back inside, embarrassingly winded by the time I reach the stable my sibling is in. Jeremiah passes me, hauling bags of something out to the wagon. I don’t even bother asking about it. I just kneel down next to Jori’s little pile.

Hey, Jori, wake up, I keep my voice soft as I pull one of the blankets back and nudge them. They grumble at me and hide deeper into the bundle, so I shake them gently.

C’mon, you gotta get up. You can go back to sleep in a minute but you gotta get in the wagon first.

Hmm—huh? Jori mumbles, half asleep. They sit up, pulling a blanket to their chin. What are you talking about, a wagon? Where are we going?

My friend is here, he’s gonna take us somewhere safe, I reply as I gently pull the blanket down. I don’t bother explaining everything now; they probably wouldn’t be able to process half of anything I told them right now. And it seems I’m right. They stare at me for a few seconds with bleary eyes before they nod and hold their hand out for me to help them up.

I pick up all the blankets, careful not to let any drag on the ground. They’re already dirty, but it would be nice to not have them covered in stinky horse smell. Jeremiah helps me make a little bed in the wagon for Jori. The ground is bumpy and the wagon doesn’t have suspension, so I just hope that Jori is able to sleep through the unstable trip. Once Jori is settled, Jeremiah starting untying Roe’s lead.

You should probably stay on the horse with me, he says, not looking at me.

Can she handle that?

Eh, she’s a strong one. I’m sure she’ll be fine, Jeremiah shrugs at me. It doesn’t ease my concerns, but he knows his horse better than I do, so I decide to trust him. I’m putting a lot of trust in him tonight, more than I’ve put in anyone that isn’t myself in years. It makes me anxious, but I tell myself that I can trust Jeremiah. We’d known each other for years, surely he wouldn’t betray me now, right? I watch him effortlessly hop onto the saddle. He scoots up a bit and holds his hand out to help me up. Unlike Jeremiah, I’m very inexperienced with horses. My mounting is clumsier than his, but I get up there, nonetheless. Jeremiah slips his boots into the stirrups, and I hug my legs to Roe’s sides. I quickly hold onto Jeremiah as Roe starts walking. Jeremiah is caught off guard by this and grabs the reins, steering her onto the right path.

What’d you do? Why’s she walkin’? he glances back at me, and I cringe a little.

Um, I just hugged her with my legs, so I don’t fall off, I reply sheepishly.

That’s how you get 'er to go, so don’t do that. Just relax, I won’t let you fall off.

It’s embarrassing messing up like that. It feels like my face is burning. I haven’t felt like this in so long. I just lean against Jeremiah’s back and let the crisp night air cool my face down. It’s really beautiful out here when you’re not worried about survival. The flat plains stretch out for miles in one direction and jut upwards into mountains on the other. The almost-full moon shines warm light onto the grass and dirt and makes the remnants of winter snow on the mountaintops shimmer. The creak of the wagon and the soft clops of Roe’s hooves against the dirt are soothing enough to keep me relaxed. It’s weird to be this relaxed, but not unwelcome by any means. A gentle breeze kicks up and I shiver and squeeze Jeremiah a bit tighter. Exhaustion finally catches up to me, making my limbs weak and my eyes heavy. Before I can even try to fight it, sleep overtakes my mind and I’m out like a light.